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Medically reviewed by Danesh Alam MD, DFAPA, DFASAM
To stay sober during the holidays, plan before each gathering: decide which events to attend, bring your own drink, rehearse a short "no, thanks," arrange your own way home, and line up someone to call. Keep meetings, therapy, and medications on schedule. If you drink or use, ask for help that day instead of waiting for January.
Thanksgiving falls on November 26 this year, and the weeks from then through New Year's Day pack travel, family, and parties close together. This guide is for people in recovery from alcohol or drug use, and for the relatives and friends who host them.
Why are the holidays hard for people in recovery?
The holidays put several common triggers into the same few weeks: stress, alcohol at many events, and the people and places tied to past use. SAMHSA says that for people in recovery, "the holiday season presents challenges that can trigger the use of alcohol and drugs." SAMHSA: Supporting your mental health during the holiday season
Alcohol is also harder to avoid. NIAAA calls the holidays a time "when some people are more likely to drink beyond their limits than at other times of the year." NIAAA: The truth about holiday spirits
A return to drinking is most likely "during periods of stress, or when someone is exposed to people or places that are associated with past drinking." NIAAA: Understanding relapse The pattern is similar for other drugs. NIDA names cues linked to drug use, such as people, places, things, and moods, and contact with drugs among the most common triggers for relapse. NIDA: Treatment and recovery
Feelings matter as much as the drinks table. SAMHSA points to separation from loved ones, grief, gift-giving pressure, money worries, and difficult family interactions as reasons this season is hard. SAMHSA: Supporting your mental health during the holiday season
There is no reliable national figure for how many people return to use over the holidays, so be cautious with percentages you see online. The triggers themselves are well documented, and you can plan for them.
How do you plan ahead for a holiday gathering?
Make your decisions before you arrive, while you are calm. SAMHSA notes that a plan for social events and for lonely moments can lower the risk of substance use. SAMHSA: Supporting your mental health during the holiday season A workable plan covers five things:
- Which events you will attend. For some situations, NIAAA says, the best strategy may be to avoid them altogether. If you feel guilty about declining, remember that you are not deciding "forever."
- What you will drink. Keep an alcohol-free drink in your hand. Bring your own if you are unsure what the host will have.
- Who is on your side. Ask others for support. Bring a trusted person, or have one on standby for a phone call.
- How you will leave. Plan your exit in advance. Drive yourself or arrange your own ride so you can go when you need to.
- What you will do if it gets hard. Decide now whom you will text and where you will step away.
NIAAA: Building your drink refusal skills NIAAA: How to stop alcohol cravings
You can also suggest plans that do not center on drinking, such as a morning walk, a movie, or dessert at your place. For drink ideas, see our guide to avoiding Christmas alcoholic drinks in recovery.
What do you say when someone offers you a drink?
Say a short, friendly "no, thanks," and do not explain. NIAAA advises being "clear and firm, yet friendly and respectful." Long explanations and vague excuses tend to prolong the conversation and give you more chances to give in. Answer without hesitating, make eye contact, and keep it simple. NIAAA: Building your drink refusal skills
If the person keeps asking, NIAAA suggests a sequence that gets firmer:
- "No, thank you."
- "No, thanks, I don't want to."
- "I'm not drinking now, to take care of myself. I'd really appreciate it if you'd help me out."
You can also repeat the same short answer each time, which NIAAA calls the "broken record" strategy. If words fail, you can walk away. Practice your lines out loud beforehand, or ask a supportive person to role-play the offer with you. NIAAA: Building your drink refusal skills
The same approach works when the offer is a drug instead of a drink. You do not owe anyone your history. "I don't drink" is a complete answer, and so is "I'm good with this."
How do you get through a craving at a holiday party?
Expect cravings, and expect them to pass. NIAAA describes urges to drink as "short-lived, predictable, and controllable." NIAAA: How to stop alcohol cravings Its suggestions for the moment include:
- Remind yourself why. Keep your top reasons for not drinking or using on your phone.
- Talk it through. Call or text the person you lined up.
- Distract yourself. Take a walk, help in the kitchen, or play with the kids.
- Challenge the thought. "One couldn't hurt" is the thought to question.
- Ride it out. Accept the urge as normal and temporary. It will crest like a wave and pass.
- Leave. Going home early is a success, not a failure.
How do you handle family conflict and holiday travel?
Lower the stress where you can, and protect your routine. Periods of stress are when a return to use is most likely. NIAAA: Understanding relapse
With family, set limits ahead of time. Decide how long you will stay and which topics you will not discuss. Have a place to go when an old argument starts, even if it is a walk around the block. Shorter visits are fine.
When you travel, bring your recovery with you:
- Keep your treatment plan going. Pack enough of any prescribed medication, and keep therapy appointments or ask about a phone or video visit. NIDA warns that people who stop following their treatment plan are likely to relapse. NIDA: Treatment and recovery
- Find support before you leave. Look up a meeting near where you are staying, or save an online one.
- Cover the basics. SAMHSA recommends eating balanced meals, getting plenty of sleep, and making time for exercise. SAMHSA: Supporting your mental health during the holiday season
- Plan for airports and hotels. Bars and minibars are part of travel. You can ask a hotel to empty the minibar before you check in.
Where can you find meetings and support over the holidays?
Mutual support groups are free and widely available, and many meet online. NIAAA: Treatment for alcohol problems NIAAA lists Alcoholics Anonymous, which has "meetings in most communities and online," along with SMART Recovery, LifeRing, Secular Organizations for Sobriety, and Women for Sobriety. NIAAA: Long-term recovery support
Check schedules now, because times can change around the holidays. Online meetings help when you are traveling or staying with relatives.
Groups add to professional care. They do not replace it. NIAAA advises people in recovery to "maintain a connection with their treatment counselor." NIAAA: Long-term recovery support Ask your therapist or program about holiday hours and whom to contact when the office is closed.
If you are alone this season, plan contact on purpose. Schedule regular calls, and look for community through support groups, faith communities, or local meetups. SAMHSA: Supporting your mental health during the holiday season
How can hosts and family support someone in recovery?
Ask the person what would help, then follow their lead. SAMHSA encourages family and friends to check in on anyone who may be struggling with substance use over the holidays. SAMHSA: Supporting your mental health during the holiday season A few practical steps:
- Offer real alternatives. NIAAA advises hosts to "offer a variety of alcohol-free drinks" such as water, juices, and sparkling sodas, and to serve food. NIAAA: The truth about holiday spirits
- Do not push. Accept "no, thanks" the first time. Do not ask why someone is not drinking.
- Keep it private. Let the person decide who knows about their recovery.
- Make leaving easy. Do not take an early exit personally.
- Plan something else to do. Games, a walk, or cooking together give the day a center other than drinks.
- Listen without judgment. SAMHSA says the best thing you can do is be there and listen. SAMHSA: How to help someone
Look after yourself as well. NIAAA notes that caring for someone with an alcohol problem can be very stressful, and points families to groups such as Al-Anon. NIAAA: Treatment for alcohol problems Family therapy is another place to work on communication and trust.
What should you do if you drink or use over the holidays?
Stop as soon as you can, check that you are safe, and tell someone the same day. A return to use is a setback, not a failure. NIDA says relapse "doesn't mean treatment has failed." It is a sign to talk with your doctor about resuming or changing treatment. NIDA: Treatment and recovery NIAAA's advice is to get right back on track, not run yourself down, and contact a health care provider or a supportive friend right away. NIAAA: Recovering from a drinking episode
Two safety risks need attention first.
Overdose after time away from a drug. Your body is no longer used to the amount you once took. NIDA warns that if a person uses as much as they did before quitting, "they can easily overdose." NIDA: Treatment and recovery Signs of an opioid overdose are an emergency. Call 911 right away if someone cannot be awakened, has slow or stopped breathing, has blue or purple lips or fingernails, or is making gurgling noises. SAMHSA: Overdose prevention Naloxone can reverse an opioid overdose and is sold over the counter. Give it if you have it, and stay with the person until help arrives. CDC: Lifesaving naloxone
Alcohol withdrawal. If you have gone back to drinking heavily and regularly, stopping suddenly can be dangerous. Symptoms tend to start within 8 hours of the last drink, but can appear days later. Alcohol withdrawal "may quickly become life-threatening." Contact a provider right away or go to an emergency room if you think you are in withdrawal. Call 911 for seizures, fever, severe confusion, hallucinations, or an irregular heartbeat. MedlinePlus: Alcohol withdrawal
Our guide on what to do after a relapse covers the next steps in more detail.
When is it time for a higher level of care?
Consider more support when your current plan is no longer holding. That can mean cravings that keep building, a return to use that has not stopped, or withdrawal symptoms when you try to stop. NIAAA notes that for some people, relapse "signals a need for a different kind of treatment or more frequent treatment sessions." NIAAA: Understanding relapse
Care comes at different intensities: outpatient visits, intensive outpatient or partial hospitalization, residential programs, and medically directed inpatient care that can manage withdrawal. A full assessment guides which level fits. NIAAA: What types of alcohol treatment are available? Our comparison of IOP vs. PHP explains the two middle levels.
You do not have to wait until January to ask for an assessment or to start care.
Frequently asked questions
Is it okay to skip a holiday party in recovery?
Yes. NIAAA says that for some situations, avoiding them altogether may be the best strategy, and that declining now is not a decision about "forever." You can suggest another way to see the same people.
Do I have to tell my family why I am not drinking?
No. A short "no, thanks" is enough. Telling one trusted person at the gathering can help, because they can back you up or leave with you.
Does one drink mean I have lost my progress?
No. NIAAA describes a return to drinking as a temporary setback, not a complete failure. Stop, tell someone, and talk with your provider about what to adjust.
How do I stay sober on New Year's Eve?
Use the same plan as for any gathering: choose where you will be, bring your own drinks, have a person to call, and control your ride home. A small alcohol-free gathering or an early night are both fine ways to spend it.
What can I do if I feel lonely over the holidays?
Plan contact ahead of time. Schedule calls, attend a meeting in person or online, and look for community events. If you are in crisis, call or text 988.
Getting help at Ambrosia
If the holidays show that you need more structure, Ambrosia's intensive outpatient program provides scheduled treatment with the flexibility to keep up with work, school, and family. For people who need more, there is a partial hospitalization program with structured day treatment. If drinking or drug use has become heavy again, medical detox offers medically supervised support through withdrawal. It is provided through Midwest Detox at Ambrosia in West Palm Beach. After treatment, aftercare planning covers continued therapy and support groups.
For free, confidential treatment referrals at any hour, call SAMHSA's National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357, in English or Spanish. SAMHSA: National Helpline If you are in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 988 for support at any hour. SAMHSA: 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline