For adult children
Finding a Treatment Center for Your Parents
How to recognize substance abuse in an aging parent, find care that actually fits, and have the conversation you have been putting off.
About this guide
Help for a parent
Watching a parent slide into addictive patterns can fill you with disappointment or anger. That is understandable — and not very useful. To help the people you love, it helps to understand why they use, and to know that you are not alone.
Researchers say alcohol is the drug of choice among older adults — about 22 percent have alcohol issues, and they often go unnoticed. Smaller servings hit harder as metabolism changes with age, so counting drinks can hide the problem. Most older adults with substance issues drank or used heavily when they were younger; it is rare for a problem to appear from nowhere.
Ambrosia treats adults of every age at our West Palm Beach and Singer Island programs — including older adults whose substance use has gone unnoticed for years.
Why older adults turn to substances
Your parents face new challenges with each candle they add to the birthday cake. Understanding what is driving the use makes it far easier to talk about it.
Isolation
Every funeral means one less friend or loved one to lean on. Loneliness accumulates quietly.
Financial strain
Social Security checks may not cover every bill in the mailbox. As debt mounts, so does the stress.
Chronic pain
Sore joints, aching heads, and damaged teeth can be excruciating. Self-medicating can seem like a solution.
Changing roles
The shift from parent to grandparent to great-grandparent is not easy, and the outside world forces the change whether they want it or not.
What substance abuse looks like
Anytime substances change how a person thinks or feels, concern is reasonable. When you see signs like these, it is time to act:
- Changed appearance — deep bruises, rumpled clothes, shaking hands
- Unusual complaints — frequent talk of insomnia, or mentions of blackouts
- Sneaky behavior — hidden bottles or pills, refusing to discuss finances
- Mental health changes — irritability, grouchiness, forgetfulness
What to ask a treatment program
Treatment works in older adults — it is not something made only for young people. But there are thousands of programs, and the National Institute on Drug Abuse recommends asking pointed questions before you pick one. Identify a few programs before you talk to your parent, so if the conversation goes well, the next step is already planned.
Science-based treatment
Can the team cite research that backs up their approach?
Tailored care
How much does the program vary from person to person, and how does the plan change over time?
Length of service
It takes time to shift behaviors. How long does the program last?
Support groups
Your parent needs a new community to relate to. How do peer and 12-step groups factor in?
How to talk with your parent
You know there is a problem and you have found a potential solution — now the delicate part. First: relax. You have been talking with your parents for years, and you have a wellspring of love to draw on. Addiction does not change that.
Practice
Do not improvise. Figure out exactly what you want to say before you say it.
Plan ahead
Choose a time when your parent will be sober, and hold the conversation in a private place.
Focus on observations
Start sentences with “I think” or “I feel.” It keeps you from sweeping statements you do not mean, like “you always do this.”
Push for treatment
Help your parent understand that treatment works. Explain what you have learned.
Showcase support
Your parent needs your love now more than ever. Say clearly how much the relationship matters to you.
Keep at it
If the clouds do not part after one talk, do not be discouraged. It may take many conversations before the message sinks in.
Ready to talk with admissions?
Admissions is available 24/7 to answer questions about mental health and substance use treatment options.