Addiction Forum Question

Forum Question
HopetrackerA3 A Mom From FL

What can I do if my wife won't follow-through on boundaries for our son?

Our son has taken advantage of us time and time again; but yet, he has my wife wrapped around his little finger. Every time I lay down the law, she welcomes him back with open arms (as if he didn't just steal from us and lie about his drug addiction). I’m worried that we are sending mixed messages to our son. Is it time for us to speak to a therapist and get a second opinion?
Joan B Yes, I struggled with this with my son too. I thought that my husband was being too hard on our son and I if I believed in him enough, he would stop his destructive behaviors. After realizing that this was slowly destroying my marriage and that no amount of hope on my part would get our boy to stop, I had to ask myself if I was willing to seek outside help. While a part of me was embarrassed that I couldn’t fix my family, I could not do it alone. It was hard as a mother because my instinct was to keep my child close, to believe in him no matter what and to protect him. But addiction does not play by those rules, and I needed a therapist to deal with the feelings that kept me from taking the right actions to deal with his addiction.
Olivia K It is extremely important that you are both on the same page and to do this, she must be educated on addiction so that she understands the impact of her actions. You are either supporting recovery or supporting the addiction. Family support groups such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon are educational and can be a great first step in understanding how to be a healthy support.