Addiction Forum Question

Forum Question
Sally M A Mom From NJ

My son is in a sober house and he says he is working the 12 steps but his behaviors seem to indicate that he is “just going through the motions.” I firmly believe he wants sobriety but he thinks he can do it his way. He has had 6-7 relapses and just seems very lax. Today he asked me to pay his phone bill and I told him I could not do that. I explained that is not a way I can help him. I am doing better with that part but how do you really find serenity and learn not to worry constantly about what he is or isn’t doing? I try but find it so hard to not worry about if he is paying his bills, if he is using, etc. I need to separate myself from all of it but am having a hard time really letting go I guess. Any help or advice would be appreciated.

Letting go
Kelly M I too have found answers and support in the family groups, listening to other parents with the same worries I have and discussing why we feel this way and what has helped. I've learned that there needs to be a balance, where I can help as long as the therapist is keeping me involved and I only follow their suggestions. That way I can support guilt free and know that I am not enabling the addiction!
Barbara S He's your son, so you're probably not going to be able to separate yourself from his problems. My daughter is in rehab, and I am going through the same worries. Addiction is an illness, and just like with any other illness, all we can do is offer our support, engage the help of medical professionals, and hope for a good outcome. Have you attended any support group meetings? I have found them helpful because you find out how other people have learned to cope. When I am feeling totally overwhelmed, I make a cup of tea, curl up on the couch, and watch a feel-good happy-ending movie. Sounds silly, but at least for a couple of hours you can get your mind off your troubles! Here's hoping that both of our children are successful in their recoveries!